The Biggest Lies

I'll respect you in the morning.

I'm from your government, and I am here to help you.

You get this one, I'll pay next time.

My wife doesn't understand me.

Trust me, I'll take care of everything.

Of course I love you.

I am getting a divorce.

Drinking? Why, no, Officer.

I never inhaled.

It's not the money, it's the principle of the thing.

I never watch television except for PBS.

...but we can still be good friends.

She means nothing to me.

Don't worry, I can go another 20 miles when the gauge
is on "empty."

I gave at the office.

Don't worry, he's never bitten anyone.

I'll call you later.

We'll release the upgrade by the end of the year.

Read my lips: no new taxes

I've never done anything like this before

Now, I'm going to tell you the truth

It's supposed to make that noise.

I *love* your new <hat/haircut/dress/suit...