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wildNwickedlysassyNsweet
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« on: August 03, 2007, 08:33:42 AM » |
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Biblical Theme Songs
Noah: "Raindrops Keep Falling on My Head"
Adam and Eve: "Strangers in Paradise"
Lazarus: "The Second Time Around"
Esther: "I Feel Pretty"
Job: "I've Got a Right to Sing the Blues"
Moses: "The Wanderer"
Jezebel: "The Lady is a Tramp"
Samson: "Hair"Salome: "I Could Have Danced All Night"
Daniel: "The Lion Sleeps Tonight"
Esau: "Born To Be Wild"
Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego: "Great Balls of Fire!"
The Three Kings: "When You Wish Upon a Star"
Jonah: "Got a Whale of a Tale"
Elijah: "Up, Up, and Away"
Methuselah: "Stayin' Alive"
Nebuchadnezzar: "Crazy"
LIVE WELL LAUGH OFTEN! 
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"Expecting the world to treat you fairly because you are a good person is
a little like expecting the bull not to attack you because you are a
vegetarian." - Dennis Wholey
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Car Accident
As my five year old son and I were headed to McDonald's one day,
we passed a car accident. Usually when we see something terrible like that,
we say a prayer for those who might be hurt,
so I pointed and said to my son, "We should pray."
From the back seat I heard his earnest request:
"Please, God, don't let those cars block the entrance to McDonald's."
___________________ __________________
7 Reasons Not To Mess With Children
====================================
A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales.
The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to
swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal
its throat was very small.
The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale.
Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow
a human; it was physically impossible.
The little girl said, "When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah".
The teacher asked, "What if Jonah went to hell?"
The little girl replied, "Then you ask him ".
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A Kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children
while they were drawing. She would occasionally walk around to
see each child's work.
As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she
asked what the drawing was.
The girl replied, "I'm drawing God."
The teacher paused and said, "But no one knows what God looks
like."
Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing, the girl
replied, "They will in a minute."
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A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with
her five and six year olds.
After explaining the commandment to "honor" thy Father and thy
Mother, she asked, "Is there a commandment that teaches us how
to treat our brothers and sisters?"
Without missing a beat one little boy (the oldest of a family)
answered, "Thou shall not kill."
-------
One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the
dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her
mother had several strands of white hair sticking out in
contrast on her brunette head.
She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, "Why are some
of your hairs white, Mom?"
Her mother replied, "Well, every time that you do something
wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white."
The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and
then said, "Momma, how come ALL of grandma's hairs are white?"
-------
The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was
trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture.
"Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all
grown up and say, 'There's Jennifer, she's a lawyer,' or 'That's
Michael, He's a doctor.'
A small voice at the back of the room rang out, "And there's the
teacher, she's dead."
-------
A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood.
Trying to make the matter clearer, she said, "Now, class, if I
stood on my head, the blood, as you know, would run into it, and
I would turn red in the face."
"Yes," the class said.
"Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary
position the blood doesn't run into my feet?"
A little fellow shouted,
"Cause your feet ain't empty."
-------
The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic
elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a
large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the
apple tray:
"Take only ONE. God is watching."
Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the
table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies.
A child had written a note, "Take all you want. God is watching
the apples.
=================
Have a TERRIFIC day! |
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wildNwickedlysassyNsweet
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« Reply #1 on: August 03, 2007, 01:09:47 PM » |
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Bill Gates died in a car accident
Bill Gates died in a car accident. He found himself in Purgatory being sized up by God…
“Well, Bill, I’m not sure whether to send you to Heaven or Hell. After all, you enormously helped society by putting a computer in almost every home in the world. In your case, I’m going to let you decide where you want to go!”
God said, “I’m willing to let you visit both places briefly if it will help you make a decision.” So Bill went to Hell.
It was a beautiful, clean, sandy beach with clear waters. There were thousands of beautiful women running around, playing in the water, laughing and frolicking about. The sun was shining perfect. Bill was very pleased. “This is great!” he told God, “If this is Hell, I REALLY want to see Heaven!” “Fine,” said God and off they went.
Heaven was a high place in the clouds, with angels drifting about playing harps and singing. It was nice but not as enticing as Hell. Bill thought for a quick minute and rendered his decision. “Hmm, I think I prefer Hell” he told God. “Fine,” retorted God, “as you desire.” So Bill Gates went to Hell.
Two weeks later, God decided to check up on the late billionaire to see how he was doing in Hell. When God arrived in Hell, he found Bill shackled to a wall, screaming amongst the hot flames in a dark cave. He was being burned and tortured by demons. “How’s everything going, Bill?” God asked.
Bill responded, “This is awful, this is not what I expected. What happened to that other place with the beaches and the beautiful women playing in the water?”
God says, “That was the screen saver”.  
__________________
LIFE IS JUST FOR LIVING HAPPILY . . . LAUGH . . . LAUGH . . . LAUGH !!!
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wildNwickedlysassyNsweet
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« Reply #3 on: August 07, 2007, 12:52:54 PM » |
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One night, a torrential rain soaked northwestern Minnesota.
The next morning the resulting floodwaters came up about 6 feet into
most
of the homes there.
Mrs Johnson was sitting on her roof with her neighbor, Lena, waiting
for
help to come.
Mrs Johnson noticed a baseball cap, floating near the house.
Then she saw it float far out into the front yard, then float back to
the
house, it kept floating away from the house then back towards the
house.
Her curiosity got the best of her, so she asked Lena,
"Do you see dat der baseball cap a floating away from da house, den
back again?"
Lena said, "oh yeah, dats my husband Ole, I tole dat lazy ass he gonna
cut da grass today, come hell or high water!
_______________
Today's Funny Quote:
Girls are like phones. We love to be held, talked to but
if you press the wrong button you'll be disconnected!
-- Unknown
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wildNwickedlysassyNsweet
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« Reply #8 on: August 10, 2007, 05:21:22 PM » |
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1. A day without sunshine is like night. ( Wood b Kinda dark - Ench )
2. On the other hand, you have different fingers. ( No Kidding? - Ench)
3. 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.
4. 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
5. Remember, half the people you know are below average.
6. He who laughs last, thinks slowest. ( Sounds lik me )
7. Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm. ( It's possible I 'spose )
8. The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese in the trap.
9. Support bacteria. They're the only culture some people have.
10. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
11. Change is inevitable, except from vending machines.
12. If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments.
13. How many of you believe in psycho-kinesis? Raise my hand.
14. OK, so what's the speed of dark? ( Always wondered that! )
15. When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
16. Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.
17. How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges? (Now who wooda thunk dat? )
18. Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines
19. What happens if you get scared half to death, twice?
20. Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
21. Inside every older person is a younger person wondering, "What the heck happened?" ( ME FUR SURE )
22. Light travels faster than sound. That's why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
23. Life isn't like a box of chocolates. It's more like a jar of jalapenos. What you do today, might burn your ass tomorrow.
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wildNwickedlysassyNsweet
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« Reply #9 on: August 12, 2007, 10:48:26 PM » |
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One day, three boys were walking over a bridge when they heard a guy yelling for help. It was President Bush.
He was drowning, and the three boys rescued him. He thanked them dearly and promised them whatever they wanted as a reward.
The first boy wanted $10,000, so Bush gave him the money. The second boy wanted a Ferrari, so Bush gave the boy a Ferrari.
The third boy wanted a wheelchair, Bush said, “Why do you want one of those, son, you’re not handicapped.” The boy replied, “I will be when my dad finds out whose life I saved.”
  
__________________
"U Don't Stop Laughing Cause U Grow Old, U Grow Old Because U Stop Laughing!"
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LaineyD
Registered Member
Posts: 1
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« Reply #12 on: August 14, 2007, 02:12:00 PM » |
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