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17 Fatal Things to Say if Your Wife is Pregnant
17. "I finished
the Oreo's."
16. "Not to imply
anything, but I don't think the kid weighs forty pounds."
15. "Y'know, looking
at her, you'd never guess that Pamela Lee had a baby."
14. "I sure hope
your thighs aren't gonna stay that flabby forever."
13. "Well, couldn't
they induce labor? The 25th is the SuperBowl."
12. "Darned if
you ain't about five pounds away from a surprise visit from
that Richard Simmons fella."
11. "Fred at the
office passed a stone the size of a pea. Boy, that's gotta
hurt."
10. "Whoa! For
a minute there, I thought I woke up next to Willard Scott!"
9. "I'm jealous.
Why can't men experience the joy of childbirth?"
8. "Are your ankles
supposed to look like that?"
7. "Get your *own*
ice cream."
6. "Geez, you're
awfully puffy looking today."
5. "Got milk?"
4. "Maybe we should
name the baby after my secretary, Tawney."
3. "Man! That
rose tattoo on your hip is the size of Madagascar!"
2. "Retaining
water ? Yeah, like the Hoover Dam retains water."
And the Number 1 Fatal
Thing To Say If Your Wife Is Pregnant...
1. "You don't
have the guts to pull that trigger."
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